CC&P 22: Can I-cing You A Song About Cake?

This episode really takes the cake for bad puns in the title.... we say that now, but hey, we're up for that challenge...! Enjoy the layers and layers of delicious baked goodness that is this episode!

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[Intro and outro courtesy of pixabay.com, sound effects courtesy of All Sounds on youtube and Zapsplat.com.]

Transcript

[Intro music playing.]

SAREENA:
Hello, my favourite fried potatoes, I’m Sareena!

MELISSA:
And I’m Melissa!

SAREENA:
And together Curried Chips & Poutine are overjoyed to present today’s episode... cakes! [party favour sound effect] Now, we both love cakes, but what inspired me to suggest cake as a theme was a video I saw on Instagram of Lebanese wedding cakes so big that the bride had to use a sword - [sching! sound effect] - to cut through the levels of cakes! It’s insane to even think about having that much cake!

Did you know, Melissa, that the largest wedding cake in the Guinness World Records weighed 6.818 tonnes?

MELISSA:
What?

SAREENA:
Yeah, tonnes!

MELISSA:
Jesus Christ!

SAREENA:
Multiple tonnes! It was made by the chefs at the Mohegan Sun Hotel and Casino in Connecticut, back in 2004. But there are so many cake facts and records to share so I will sprinkle - [chiming sound effect] - a choice few throughout the episode.

MELISSA:
I mean, you've already kind of blown my mind a little bit with that.

SAREENA:
The picture that they have for the Guiness World Record, it's like 5 layers and at the top there's a chef on a crane to finish the topping.

MELISSA:
Oh my god.

SAREENA:
And it's just like, okay.

MELISSA:
And there's ONLY 5 layers- that is insane, oh my god, I am not gonna think too much on that lest my mind get blown more. But here's a fun cake fact for you! So, throwback to our pilot episode-

SAREENA:
Oh?

MELISSA:
Where one of our questions was, would you rather eat everything in cake form or in pie form?

SAREENA:
Oh my gosh, that was like...

[Both laughing, possibly in shame.]

SAREENA:
I can barely remember our pilot episode, it was so long ago.

MELISSA:
Yeah. Also, please don't listen to the pilot episode, it's terrible! Just skip ahead to the 3rd episode, it's all good, don't worry.

SAREENA:
[laughs] Even though our pilot episode is the most popular episode that's been downloaded.

MELISSA:
Yeeeaaaah....

SAREENA:
I'm like, "oh no, people! It gets better, it gets better!"

MELISSA:
Please, stick with us longer than that!

[More laughter.]

SAREENA:
Okay, let me start with Question 1 - we're going to implement a very obvious question system so we don't have a repeat-repeat of me forgetting how many questions there are in an episode!

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
So, Melissa! Question 1 - [question time chime] -

MELISSA:
All right.

SAREENA:
Would you rather have one item you use every day unknowingly be cake? Or randomly when you answer your front door, have a cake thrown at you?

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
You know, first world problems and everything.

[Laughter from both.]

MELISSA:
Bold of you to assume I just open my door willy-nilly, geez! That's really funny, but oh my god. Okay, okay, question about that first option there, about some random item being cake - is it always gonna be cake? Or is it just cake for a day and it goes back to normal after that?

SAREENA:
Yeah, so you know how there's that challenge where everything is cake, and it would look very realistic until you cut into it-

MELISSA:
Oh, I see.

SAREENA:
-and it wasn't cake, so maybe one day, you're gonna pick up a plate to put your food on, but once you pick up your plate it turns to mush because it's cake, actually! But you just didn't know that particular plate was cake, and every day it will change item.

MELISSA:
That's hilarious!

SAREENA:
So then, you know, you're gonna art one day, you pick up your pencil and like - cake! Can't draw today.

[Both laughing.]

MELISSA:
It'd be a good excuse! "Oooh, calling in with a bad case of cake, sorry!"

SAREENA:
And then, when you answer your door, you don't know when the cake will be thrown at you. Say you get five- I know this is very unlikely, in today's world - but say you get 5 chances to open your door, you don't know which of the 5 chances the cake will make itself known to your face. [splat sound effect]

MELISSA:
[laughs] It's like, "oh hello!" Bam! I don't like that, I'm gonna go with the random item turning into cake, because there is actually- well, there was a Japanese TV show where it's the same sort of thing, except it's with chocolate.

SAREENA:
Oooh!

MELISSA:
So it's like a gameshow type of thing, but the hosts- they're all in this room, and you can only test if things are made of chocolate by tasting it, like using your mouth. It's so funny, because there's a point where a guy doesn't know if this shoe is made of chocolate, so he licks it - it's not chocolate.

SAREENA:
Oh no.

MELISSA:
And then later in that show there's a guy who uses his mouth and he tries to turn a doorknob with his mouth - and it's chocolate, and it breaks off in his mouth and he just looks so happy! It's so funny.

SAREENA:
But at least this way you can use the item that you think is a plate, or a kettle or whatever it is, you don't have to bite it - [chomp sound effect] - to check.

MELISSA:
[cracks up]

SAREENA:
Unless that's what you do anyway, then I won't stop you.

MELISSA:
You don't know that! People work in mysterious ways!

SAREENA:
Yeah. Don't tell me how to live my life!

MELISSA:
Basically, yeah. Oh my god that is so funny, but no, gonna have to go with that, because the idea of getting ambushed by a cake anytime I open my front door - what if I'm just getting the mail? What if I'm taking out my recycling? What if I'm leaving to go to work? Then what? Then what?!

SAREENA:
Cake, that's what! I quite like the idea of cake being thrown at me? I feel like, even though I don't know which of the door's times when I open it, cake will be there to greet me, I think I would just wear an anorak or something and just prepare myself every time there would be cake? You know? Just a bit of excitement in life.

MELISSA:
But it's gonna hit you right in the face, are you gonna wear like a full body thing? With nothing, not even eyeholes?

SAREENA:
Maybe I'll just go out with my mouth open, "I'm ready!"

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
And the cake hits you in like... the chest.

SAREENA:
Yeah. Oof!

MELISSA:
And you're like, "aww, nuts".

SAREENA:
That's fine, we've got showers, I have a washing machine, it's fine.

MELISSA:
What a waste of cake, though! It's a perfectly good cake and its fate is just to be splatted on your chest. Or face, whatever.

SAREENA:
I know, but I can eat some of it.

MELISSA:
I mean, this is true.

SAREENA:
I wouldn't let it be all going to waste.

[More laughter.]

MELISSA:
That is- oh my god, no, what about the impact! How hard are they throwing this cake at you? Are they launching it at you with like a rocket launcher? Are they just kind of hefting it your way? What's going on?

SAREENA:
It's just a normal person throwing a cake at you, I'm not expecting it to be shot out of a cannon - [cannon boom sound effect] - that might actually do some internal damage, it's just gonna go 'bwoof!' and then I'm gonna go, "oh, cake!"

MELISSA:
[laughing] You're crazy! No, let's go with the cake's peekaboo, like "oh you found me!"

SAREENA:
But imagine it might be the sofa one day! You sit down and you're just consumed by cake!

MELISSA:
[cracking up] Oh my god! That would mean- again, that would be funny, but at least I'd have a really big cake for the rest of my day, I suppose!

SAREENA:
[laughs] That's true. A cake hug to get you through.

MELISSA:
That is absurd and I'm living for it. 'Cause you know, you go on Instagram and already you can see people doing like, "oh yeah, look at this glass of water! Oh just kidding I'm cutting into it!" and there's 5 layers of delicious cakey goodness! It blows my mind, every time.

SAREENA:
I hate it when it's a real life thing, and I'm like, "this shouldn't be cake and now you've made it cake" - like, if it's a roast dinner, something that very obviously should not be cake, and I'm like, I feel very uncomfortable with everything that is happening.

MELISSA:
[cracking up] Look, personally, I think it's hilarious. Like, I am a big fan of those cakes that fake you out - heh, cake you out - [downward bloop sound effect] - but...

SAREENA:
[scoffing noise]

MELISSA:
Shall we move on?

SAREENA:
Yes, let's.

MELISSA:
Okay, so. [question time chime] Question #2!

SAREENA:
So helpful.

[Laughter from both.]

MELISSA:
Would you rather have a cake as tall as you are, or a cake as heavy as you are? It won't hit 6 point... whatever many tonnes, but it'll still be a lot of cake.

SAREENA:
I'd be worried if I weighed 6.8 tonnes, I'm just putting that out there!

[More laughing.]

SAREENA:
For either of the options, do I have to consume it in that day, or can I save it for like a week or something?

MELISSA:
I'd say you can save it, just because food waste is just, it breaks my heart, like I've said before. The idea of that much cake going to waste would kill me, so no, no. You can save it, or give it away, give it to people, that kind of thing.

SAREENA:
Yeah. I think I definitely have much more mass than I do height -

[Both cracking up.]

SAREENA:
- so I'll probably take the height, 'cause I think that would be easier to manage, and getting into the slices and things, and that would be quite nice to distribute around the street, and things like that. And yeah, I don't know, the idea of cake having that much weight, it's a little unsettling as well.

MELISSA:
It really is. I'm still thinking back to that fact, you've ruined my day, thank you!

SAREENA:
You're welcome.

MELISSA:
6.8 tonnes! And it's ONLY 5 layers? How did they bake this? There's no ovens in the world big enough for a cake that dense, right?

SAREENA:
Yeah. Making tall cakes, I suppose you could layer it up, but even then in the video I sent you, of the Lebanese weddings, those were massive AND they were tall!

MELISSA:
Yeah!

SAREENA:
And I was like, damn!

MELISSA:
It's like - there's a show on Netflix, 'Sugar Rush', and the show is broken up into 3 different challenges; first challenge is cupcakes, second challenge is some other confection, third challenge is always a cake, and it always has to be ridiculously tall and complex or something, right?

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
So, just a tall cake makes me so stressed out, because what if it falls? Then what?

SAREENA:
The integrity!

MELISSA:
Right? And then sometimes it DOES fall and you're just like, "oh nooooo!"

SAREENA:
[laughing]

MELISSA:
You just see it in slow-mo, and the Sarah McLachlan's [singing] "I will remember yoooou" playing as it hits the ground... oh, I can't do it, man.

SAREENA:
No, I think I'm definitely gonna have to go tall on this one. But do you know that the word 'cake' itself is of Viking origin?

MELISSA:
Ohhh!

SAREENA:
And it's the old Norse word called 'caca' - [boing sound effect] - so, you know. We did come far!

[Both laughing.]

SAREENA:
Cake, caca!

MELISSA:
Yes, languages have changed and cakes too, 'cause I remember reading - I feel like I did know this, actually? Maybe not the 'caca' bit, but I do know that they've been around since Viking times.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
But I believe also that ye olde ancient cakes also didn't have things like sugar in them? So they were just kinda like bread, or pastry I guess, closer to.

SAREENA:
Hmmm. Yeah, like more savoury cakes.

MELISSA:
Yeah, which is pretty cool. We've come a long way, man.

SAREENA:
Food evolution!

MELISSA:
Food history is fascinating, really and truly, but! That's a separate podcast.

SAREENA:
[laughs] It really is! But yeah, I'm gonna go tall, what about you?

MELISSA:
I think I'd go tall also, because I'm not about to disclose how much I weigh on this podcast, but the tall cake at least there's the spectacle. It's just a big honkin'- it could be a regular sized 3-tier, it could weigh a hundred-plus pounds and you'd never know! I can't do that, no.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Gotta go big! A big tall boy.

SAREENA:
Yeah, sounds good. So! [question time chime] Question number 3: So, humans, just generally and also in games... especially in sci-fi, you know, when humans are propelled into the future and everyone's like "our ingenuity, our ability to create, our resolve, our resilience", you know, that's the strength of humanity - that's what humans are known for. But at the same time, I feel that when we're creating things, the question should be: "just because we CAN, doesn't mean we SHOULD?"

MELISSA:
Yes, absolutely!

SAREENA:
And I feel this needs to be applied more vigorously, because when I was looking up cake facts, I also found some horrendously weird cakes that I had to share-

MELISSA:
Oooh, do it!

SAREENA:
- 'cause I was so horrified, so: would you rather have a tomato soup cake?

MELISSA:
[vigorous cracking up]

SAREENA:
Or a choc- this is real! There's a recipe for this! Or a chocolate mashed potato cake with ganache?

MELISSA:
[still laughing] I've seen exactly what you're talking about! Oh my god.

SAREENA:
[cracking up too]

MELISSA:
I think that is so funny to me, because - I've said before, one of my favourite things to do is to collect old timey cookbooks, like cookbooks from the 80's. My oldest cookbook that I have is from 1920, so it is not unheard of to me to see cakes like this! The cookbook I was looking at recently had - oh my god, it killed me, it had about two or three pages on different breads, and 14 pages of jellied salads.

SAREENA:
[SHOCK AND HORROR] What?!

MELISSA:
I was like, "your priorities are kind of skewed here, folks! Who are you entertaining that you need 14 whole pages worth of fish mousse jelly?"

SAREENA:
I think this is a throwback to how bad oral hygiene was back in the day, if you need 14 pages of JELLIED SALADS to get you through, you know?

MELISSA:
[cracking up] This was from like the 70's, it wasn't even that long ago!

SAREENA:
That's what I'm saying, just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD, humanity! Oh my god.

MELISSA:
No, it's true.

SAREENA:
But TOMATO SOUP CAKE was quite horrifying for me!

MELISSA:
That's honest to god so funny, because it is that guy on TikTok?

SAREENA:
What guy? There's so many guys.

MELISSA:
It's this guy, and he's making these recipes and getting angry that they work out.

SAREENA:
[laughing]

MELISSA:
Oh my god, it's so funny. For the record, I'd probably go with the chocolate potato cake, because-

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
-potatoes, on a whole, they're not as offensively flavourful as tomatoes are. Yeah no, I cannot do it, don't get me wrong, I like to drink tomato juice but-

SAREENA:
[horrified] Oh my god, no! No! NO!

MELISSA:
Sometimes! Sometimes. Yeah, one of my friends used to make fun of me, I would just drink a can of V8 and be like, "ah! It's like 3 of my 8-a-day, it's fine".

SAREENA:
Oh my god. [laughs]

MELISSA:
But I'm going into this with the knowledge, with the expectation that this is savoury! I am not cutting into a cake and being all like, "wow! I just dumped a Bloody Mary into this cake, it should be probably be delicious, and ice it with something!"

SAREENA:
Yeah, I feel the potato's a bit more versatile, and you could probably get away with it if you put enough chocolate ganache with it, right?

MELISSA:
Yeah!

SAREENA:
You know, I think it could work, but... tomato soup cake? It just sounds so offensive, and it completely triggers me for tomato juice, 'cause it is awful, like no!

[Both cracking up.]

SAREENA:
So, I will also be doing chocolate mashed potato cake with ganache.

[More laughter.]

MELISSA:
To be fair, though, I'd try it! I would absolutely try this tomato cake, but if I had to eat one and enjoy it, it would definitely be the chocolate mashed potato, because they have like, potato bread recipes! Potatoes just kind of add that starch and softness to it, so for a cake it's not that huge of a stretch?

SAREENA:
Yeah! No, absolutely, I agree with you there, but no, tomato soup- mm, no.

MELISSA:
[laughs]

SAREENA:
Let's stick with chocolate!

MELISSA:
No, 'cause the TikTok that I'm thinking of, the guy who's doing it, he makes it and he tries it, and he's like, "this should NOT work! It's tomato, but it tastes like chocolate!"

SAREENA:
Ooooooh.

MELISSA:
And I don't know, I feel like there's some sort of - many, many levels of blasphemy happening there, but I would try it.

SAREENA:
I would let you try it, also.

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
Oh yeah, Sareena, it's really good! Why don't you have a piece?

SAREENA:
NEVER! I love cake, please don't ruin cake for me!

MELISSA:
I'm sure somebody already has! Back in what, the 50's or whenever when that recipe came out!

SAREENA:
That's why I live in the future! Take me to space cake, which I'm sure would be, what, blobs?

MELISSA:
Hey, they walked so we could run.

SAREENA:
It's true.

MELISSA:
So, I think it is time to move on to - [question time chime] - question..... three?

SAREENA:
No, four, Melissa, FOUR!

MELISSA:
Four... right! Okay, yes, it is question- shut up, okay.

SAREENA:
[laughing]

MELISSA:
[also laughing] This question number system was implemented for you and I'm the one who needs it! It's fine.... All right, so! Speaking of cakes with odd flavours...

SAREENA:
Oh no.

MELISSA:
Would you rather have a cake where the layers keep changing flavours the more you chew? Or would you rather have a cake where the icing does that, but the cake remains the same?

SAREENA:
And how many layers of icing does this cake have?

MELISSA:
So it's a three-layer cake, but the more you chew- like, you take a bite of this cake and you're chewing it so that you may swallow without dying, but the flavour changes with every chew.

SAREENA:
I will take the changing icing, 'cause at least it's only one part of the cake that's changing flavour, so I have less risk involved of it becoming something that I don't like, as I'm chewing. But could I also then chew it to the point where, "oh, now it's changed to tomato soup cake" and I could just swallow it?

MELISSA:
Absolutely, if that's what you wanna do! 'Cause you just don't know when it'll happen. What if the first bite is tomato soup, but then it changes to the most delicious chocolate ganache-y cake you've ever had, then what?

SAREENA:
Well, then I'll just swallow it then! Why would I go any further?

[Laughter from both.]

SAREENA:
I have reached the flavour combination that I desire!

MELISSA:
The funniest thing is that this lowkey happened to me.

SAREENA:
Oh?

MELISSA:
So, story time, story time: I was at the grocery store, and they have in the bakery section, "oh, it's a cherry cruller donut, ooh that sounds nice, I'll get that." Blatant lies, all over that packaging! 'Cause my sister and I, we tried this donut, and it was just the weirdest thing - it said 'cherry', right?

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Did not taste like cherry. Smelled like perfume, first off, so I'm like "okay... off to a great start", and then we ate it, and the parts that weren't covered in icing were weirdly salty - [disappointed boing sound effect] - so I'm like, what? And we're chewing it and I'm like, "okay no this kind of tastes like cher- no... no it doesn't...." It tasted like, you know those Flintstones vitamins, like a multivitamin for kids, that weird, chalky fruit flavour?

SAREENA:
Oh wow.

MELISSA:
That's kinda what happened! But it's salty, and then it's not, I was like "WHAT IS GOING ON?" We finished it out of spite, but my god, what a trip.

SAREENA:
[laughing] Yeah, it's like when you read something and you're expecting that, and when you ask your senses to give you that information it's completely different, and you're like, "hang on, there's been a disconnect. There's been a disconnect!"

[Laughter from both.]

SAREENA:
It's like, my cousin, she was a bit younger, she didn't like eggs. And she was like, "I only like eggs when they're in cake!" And I'm like, "[cracking up] Yes, there are eggs in cake!" You know, it changes form, it isn't like a fried egg! But you know, I just thought that was great.

[More laughter.]

MELISSA:
A fried egg cake... someone out there has made that, I'm sure.

SAREENA:
But because you CAN, doesn't mean you SHOULD, okay?

MELISSA:
Your HUBRIS, you're paying for it!

SAREENA:
Aaaaugh!

MELISSA:
That is hilarious.

SAREENA:
Before I go on to question 5, I'm going to drop in another cake fact! So, one of the world's - key note, one - of the world's most expensive cakes ever made-

MELISSA:
Oh boy.

SAREENA:
- was a massive, 75 million dollars!

MELISSA:
[SHOCK] What?!

SAREENA:
It was sold to a secret buyer in the United Arab Emirates, only using the finest ingredients. The cake itself had, like, a fashion runway?

MELISSA:
What??

SAREENA:
I don't know however they made the cake look like that, and it was lined with over 4 thousand diamonds. [cash register cha-ching sound effect]

MELISSA:
[perplexed] ... Wwwwwwhy?

SAREENA:
I- I don't know, you can't eat diamonds! Those are the sharpest and hardest materials that we have, they'd just cut you up on the inside! [metal sharpening sound effect]

MELISSA:
Oh boy.

SAREENA:
What's a cake if you can't eat it?

MELISSA:
Right?? Like, fashion... people nowadays are very good at making cakes look beautiful, right? But to use non-edible things, I think, is a bit of a stretch!

SAREENA:
I'm all for intricate cakes and cakes being art, but if your art is getting in the way of the edible- ediblelelity- the eatability of-

MELISSA:
Edibility?

SAREENA:
Yeah - if it stops me from eating the cake, I don't want it!

MELISSA:
Diamonds?? Okay, rich people are really something else, aren't they? 75 MILLION dollars? What are you gonna do with this cake? Are you cryogenically freezing it, preserving it to put it in your house as an exhibit? Are you eating this thing, what?

SAREENA:
Yeah, I think it was put out on display because, you know, why not?

MELISSA:
Why not?

SAREENA:
Here's my Ferrari, here's my Lamborghini, here's my 75 million dollar cake! [cracking up]

MELISSA:
That is absurd. I am like, lowkey angry. All of that money, and for what? For what? A cake that doesn't have a nice soft crumb, what is this??

SAREENA:
Maybe in between the diamonds there's a soft crumb? I don't know.

MELISSA:
That would not be a pleasant experience, can you just imagine? "Ooh it's so soft and cronch cronch cronch there go all of my teeth because I can't bite these diamonds"?

SAREENA:
Maybe it's like, if you imagine a Ferrero Rocher cake, you take the Ferrero Rochers off the cake to have later on, but you wouldn't actually eat them with the packaging on the cake itself, you know?

[Both laughing.]

MELISSA:
I mean - okay, so I'll pluck off these 75 million dollars worth of diamonds to eat.... later?

SAREENA:
No, we're not eating the diamonds!! I'm just telling you, it's a bad idea! You know, rich people - they gotta keep themselves entertained somehow. They don't have work.

MELISSA:
Must be nice!

SAREENA:
Must be nice. But if I ever get that rich I'll get my 75 million dollar cake, sure. Why not?

MELISSA:
Oh yeah, you know, pocket change. Let me just pull out this giant wad of cash and pay for it with that, that's okay.

SAREENA:
Yeah. [laughs] Anyway, moving on to - [question time chime] Question number 5!

MELISSA:
Yes!

SAREENA:
Now, I don't know if you have this particular cake, but in the UK we have a cake called Colin the Caterpillar?

MELISSA:
Uhhhh...

SAREENA:
And it was like, the only cake you would ever have as a kid growing up, all your parties you would have Colin the Caterpillar there, because he was so easy to slice up into nice chocolate swirl slices for all of your friends, and he has a white chocolate face, he's very happy to be there and be eaten-

[Crowd gasping sound effect.]

MELISSA:
Ohhh.

SAREENA:
Fond memories.

[Both laughing.]

SAREENA:
So... if you just imagine kind of like a chocolate log swirl that has tempered chocolate round the outside?

MELISSA:
Oh, I see. Okay, so just kind of like a roll cake, but with chocolate on it.

SAREENA:
Yeah, and it looks like a caterpillar.