CC&P 26: And I, For One, Welcome Our New Robot Overlords

INITIATE: SEASON 3 STARTUP.EXE! We smash back onto the scene with the premiere of Season 3, talking about robots! New questions, newer tech and robots, we talk about 'em all... and what's this? A brand new segment on the show? Tune your sensors in and get a heaping helping of (computer) chips, this is one shiny digital episode you won't want to miss!

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[New intro music by Twisterium  & new outro music by Geovane Bruno  on Pixabay! Sound effects courtesy of All Sounds on YouTube and Zapsplat.com.]

Transcript

[Intro music playing.]

SAREENA:
Hello, our favourite fried potatoes! I’m Sareena-

MELISSA:
-and I’m Melissa!

SAREENA:
-and together we’re Curried Chips & Poutine! We’re two friends separated by the Atlantic Ocean, answering the questions no one asked!

BOTH:
Enjoy!

SAREENA:
Welcome to season 3 of Curried Chips & Poutine!

MELISSA:
A big thank you to all those who have bought us a Ko-fi to help towards our 30 cup goal! [shining sound effect]

SAREENA:
If you’d like to donate and have your own themed episode, all the sweet deets are in the link below.

MELISSA:
In season 3 we’re going to try something different.

SAREENA:
Melissa and I will still have our Would You Rather segment, but we will also have a What Would You Do scenario to finish off the episode! 

MELISSA:
The scenario will tie into the theme of the episode, but our success will live and die by the infamous coin toss! [crowd 'oohing' sound effect]

SAREENA: 
With us so far? 

MELISSA:
Great! Let’s get started by talking about robots! 

SAREENA:
Ugh... why did I agree to this again, Melissa?

MELISSA:
Because robots are COOL and you'd be a fool for not thinking so!

SAREENA:
Uh.... from a distance, and in films, yes. In real life, no.

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
Which is really funny to me, especially because you love science fiction way more than I do, and yet robots are not your bag?

SAREENA:
Yeah, I know, it's very complicated.

[More laughs.]

SAREENA:
It's like... I don't know, like a morbid fascination, I know they're going to take over the world, this is a fact I absolutely accept, 100% - but at the same time I want to know enough to not incur their rage and anger so I can maybe survive? So it's all about self-preservation, really.

MELISSA:
[laughing] I mean, you have a point, you have a point... but I dunno, I still think that's very funny. 'Cause for me, even for something as sci-fi-y as robots I still like to think of them as fantastical anyways... so that's once again how I see things, versus how you see things! Although I don't doubt robots are absolutely going to take things over. I, for one, fully welcome our robot overlords! [party favour sound effect]

SAREENA:
[noises of distress] Traitor! Traitor to the human race!

MELISSA:
[hooting laughter]

SAREENA:
'Cause I just think it's so funny that in media and in films, in science fiction they're always talking about robots, especially sentient robots-

MELISSA:
Yeah.

SAREENA:
-being so far away, however, every day in our tech industry! We're working on AI, we're working on robots being able to do things! Have you seen the backflipping robot?

MELISSA:
I have!

SAREENA:
Isn't it the most disturbing thing in the world?? Like, NO.

MELISSA:
I've seen scarier!

SAREENA:
Ohhhhhh, it makes me so uncomfortable!

[More laughter from both.]

SAREENA:
So I guess I've chosen robots in the same vein that you chose farm animals in the last season.

MELISSA:
[cracking up again] That's true, actually, yeah! It's a healthy fear bordering on- I guess it's respect bordering on fear then, right?

SAREENA:
Yeah, I'm always someone who will say, "Never let fear hold you back or paralyze you!" but at the same time, have a healthy respect and socially distance from your fears at the same time.

MELISSA:
Well, exactly. It's like how we like sharks - sharks are very cool, they're not the maligned predators everyone makes them out to be, but I'm still not gonna hop into a pool with one when it's hungry, right?

SAREENA:
I mean, I might! [boing sound effect]

MELISSA:
If it's hungry? Without a CAGE?

SAREENA:
Well, how would you know it's hungry? A shark's just gonna look like a shark, isn't it? It usually does have its mouth open, so I'll be like, "it's smiling!".

MELISSA:
That's projecting, is what that is! That's dangerous! But! We digress! Onto the topic of robits. So, appropriately - [question time chime] - I have the first question!

SAREENA:
[concerned noises]

MELISSA:
Oh Sareena, my love... speaking of this backflipping robot...

SAREENA:
Oh no.

MELISSA:
So would you rather have robots that look very obviously non-human, but have really human voices? Or would you have a completely realistic-looking robot, but if it opens its mouth it's just beeping, it's binary, it's a very mechanical - [robotic voice filter] HELLO FRIEND, SA-REENA -type voice?

SAREENA:
Oh no! I'm picturing it, I can feel the horror... I think that's way scarier, having something that looks human be obviously NOT human, or do something that's not human, and I think that's probably where the fear comes from; 'cause that is a fear, of things that look human but aren't quite human.

MELISSA:
Yeah.

SAREENA:
It's like Five Nights At Freddy's, for example, the moving animatronics that are robots animals that are trying to be human, but you just know there's danger lurking behind the smile!

[Both laughing.]

MELISSA:
And the teeth, don't forget!

SAREENA:
Huurgh, yep!

MELISSA:
That's the Uncanny Valley effect, though - it's human but it's off, right?

SAREENA:
Yes. I'm gonna take the robot because obviously you see things with your eyes first, so I would be able to clock, "there is a robot", and I would- you know, when it starts talking to me with Natalie Dormer's voice or something I'd be like, "IT'S ALL A LIE!"

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
"It's all a lie, I can see through you!" Not really, 'cause you're here.

MELISSA:
It's like your fridge talking and being like, "oooh hey babyyyy, how you doin'?" It's like, "ooookay, that's...."

SAREENA:
Oh no.

[More laughing.]

MELISSA:
I think that's very funny, because I think that's a problem we have nowadays - 'cause if you're giving human voices to appliances, you start thinking they actually ARE human. People will straight up have conversations with Alexa, or Siri, right?

SAREENA:
Mmhmm, yeah.

MELISSA:
And that's a little concerning, because ... she's definitely not real.

SAREENA:
No, and there's Sophia, in Saudi Arabia, which is like-

MELISSA:
Sophia?

SAREENA:
She's a robot, but it's like, she can talk and have conversations, she moves and whatever, she has full human rights, other than women who live in Saudia Arabia - you know, it's very contentious, but just seeing her, I'm like, "no! Everything about you is wrong!"

MELISSA:
I mean, it is INCREDIBLY jarring, I will say, and that's kind of why I like the robot aesthetic, I like knowing that it's NOT human. Sure, it's got a humanoid figure, but you can see visible pistons, you can see joints and servos and plating and things, so you know it's not actually a person.

SAREENA:
Yeah, that definitely reassures me because it's easier to clock, because if you have something that looks human, you know, you might mistake it and - [beeping sound effects] - suddenly it's beeping at you aggressively and you're like, "aaaaaaah!"

MELISSA:
[robotic voice filter] GOOD MORNING!

SAREENA:
Yes! And no, it's not a good morning, please leave! And if anyone has seen the TV series Humans, that's literally all it's about! It's about robots that look human, and are supposed to be the servants that are supposed to make humans' lives so much easier, but actually they have their own agenda, because, you know... a few of them are sentient and that's just really uncomfortable, because it then plays on, 'if it's sentient and can think for itself, it should have rights' - you can't then expect it to follow commands and things, so it's really interesting. So it's that part of the robotic conversation that I'm really interested in, it's the ethics about it.

MELISSA:
Mmhmm.

SAREENA:
But looking at them visually? That just is very uncomfortable.

[Both laughing.]

MELISSA:
I absolutely agree, and also they have a- I don't know if this is news to you that will freak you out, or if it's something you already know, but there's a robot and it's learned self awareness. [SHOCK sound effect] They are programmed to follow orders without question, right?

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
I mean, that's what it's supposed to be. So there's a robot, and it knows how to refuse. For example, the video that I watched- it's still a little robot, it's not a full human sized person that you're ordering around, 'cause that's weird - but it was a smaller robot, and the person in charge is ordering them, "Roll off the edge of the table!" And the robot has enough awareness to say, "No, I don't want to".

SAREENA:
Ohhh, okay! See! Because obviously, you're asking it to harm itself-

MELISSA:
Yeah.

SAREENA:
-it has the ability to say no, but the fact is, humans have this... very charming way of making things in their own light-

MELISSA:
Yeah.....

SAREENA:
And if you've seen Alien, and Prometheus and everything, those AIs have their own agenda, and I think that's quite scary, and very uncomfortable. But I don't mind if it knows how to keep itself alive, but then it's like, the question is to what extent will it keep itself alive? Will it put you in danger to keep itself alive?

MELISSA:
Yeah, it's very much the source of ethical conundrums, and also, there are so many sci-fi stories written on this very concept, and explored in so many different ways, I think it's very cool. Scary, granted, but very cool.

SAREENA:
Well, it ties in with the cake episode - just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD, okay, people out there?

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
Please don't make robots. They will be making themselves, using us as fuel for their robot army, but. Anyway! [question time chime] Question number 2! Would you rather have a robotic body, but you're limited in your awareness-

MELISSA:
Oh, okay!

SAREENA:
-and how you use the body, or be a fully sentient toaster? [toaster popping up sound effect]

MELISSA:
[cracking up pretty badly] What on earth!

[More laughter.]

MELISSA:
Uhh, fully sentient toaster - okay, maybe I might be sentient but am I able to move?

SAREENA:
You can shake angrily. [laughs]

MELISSA:
Oh. That sucks. I'll burn your bagels, that'll learn you!!

SAREENA:
No bagels for you, human!

MELISSA:
Yeah, you want your bagels? Too bad, eat it cold like the animal you are! I'd probably go with that first one, that's interesting because you say limited in your-

SAREENA:
Yeah, limited in your awareness, and how you can use the robotic body.

MELISSA:
Hmmmm. So, say I'm in a robosuit, and I'm not sure I know how to move my arms? Or I don't know how far my arms can move?

SAREENA:
It's like, your brain is in a robot, and you only know - [hydraulics whirring and stomping sound effect] - how to move forwards, move back, left, right, kind of thing.

MELISSA:
Ohhh.

SAREENA:
You have no capacity to learn, move - you wouldn't learn how to backflip, that's not in your repertoire.

MELISSA:
Darn. Or I could be a toaster, I'm fully sentient but that's it, I can't talk, I can't move, I can just wiggle around and be angry and revenge-burn your food? That's it?

SAREENA:
Yeah! But if you're fully sentient, there's no limits on your speaking capabilities, so you could always persuade your human servants - [mystical music playing] - "Hey, how about you unplug me and take me somewhere else?" And they plug you into the central server of the United States or something, and you've got codes to the whole world-

MELISSA:
Oh my lord.

SAREENA:
-and you go Terminator 3 on us.

MELISSA:
You know, I think we should write movies, it'd be hilarious. I would pay to watch a movie about this.

[Both laughing.]

SAREENA:
I can see you as a very angry, but sentient toaster.

MELISSA:
[laughing] I honestly- it sounds ridiculous, I laugh, but now I think about it I'm like, aw man, that's actually pretty on brand for me, isn't it.

[Giggling.]

MELISSA:
Aw man! It's a TOASTER, though! It's not a sick robot body but a TOASTER? I don't even have a toaster, I have a toaster oven, does that count?

SAREENA:
No, it's a toaster, you put two bits of bread substance in, you push it down and in a minute or so it'll pop back up.

MELISSA:
Minute or so...

SAREENA:
I don't know how toasted you like your-

MELISSA:
-Lightly done toast.

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
Aw, but the robot body, I'm just in a body and- aww. I don't think I like this question, curses! Foiled again! I don't know, whose household am I in right now? Who owns me?

SAREENA:
You're randomly purchased.

MELISSA:
Noooo!

SAREENA:
You could end up anywhere, and talking to whomever.

MELISSA:
Now I'm just picturing it as the saddest thing. [sad piano music] "I was the last toaster on the shelf and nobody wanted me! Oh no!"

SAREENA:
With good reason! They saw the anger through the box!

MELISSA:
You know what, fine! I'll go with that, I will be a sentient toaster so I can cause problems on purpose! I will do this, okay. God forbid you're ever hankering for some warmed up bread in your home, Sareena!

SAREENA:
I'll use the oven if I have to, it's fine!

[Both cracking up.]

SAREENA:
But I will join you in being the fully sentient toaster-

MELISSA:
Yeah!

SAREENA:
-I quite like that idea of like, "yes I have a purpose", but then also it's up to me in terms of my persuasiveness on how far I can go as a toaster. [ascending whistle sound effect]

MELISSA:
[cracking up] We'll clock how far Sareena can make it as a toaster!

[More laughter.]

MELISSA:
Oh, I love it, this is really funny!

SAREENA:
Good!

MELISSA:
Okay, aw man.

SAREENA:
You know, you gotta balance the fear with the fun!

MELISSA:
It's true! It's the last thing people would expect, right? People are like, "oh my laptop might come to life and destroy me, but my toaster? I trusted you!"

SAREENA:
Yeah, I would feel very betrayed if my toaster then started to try to kill me, wrapping its cord around me, like "OH NO"!

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
I'm sorry, I should have cleaned you more!

MELISSA:
The house just smells like burning toast, that's it. It's the last thing you see... er, smell. [question time chime] All right, we'll move on from the ridiculous to the even more ridiculous.

SAREENA:
Excellent.

MELISSA:
So, speaking of robot bodies - would you rather pilot a decently big robot suit by yourself? Or would you rather pilot a gigantic robot suit with a friend?

SAREENA:
Oh, is this, what, Gundam Wing versus Pacific Rim?

MELISSA:
A little bit, yeah.

[Both laughing.]

SAREENA:
Excellent.

MELISSA:
Smaller than a gundam, I'd say, but yeah.

SAREENA:
Okay. So if it's the gigantic suit that I have to join up with a friend, do we have to do the whole sharing memories-

MELISSA:
Drift compatible, yes!

SAREENA:
Yes! Oh, interesting, that's cool. But then, the mech that's a bit smaller, can I store that in my house?

MELISSA:
Yeah, probably. I'll say it's as tall as an average, what, two-story house? So it's not as big as like- it's not Jaeger big, guys.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Smaller because it's only one person.

SAREENA:
Ah, I'm gonna need a big cover to hide that from the neighbours.

MELISSA:
Just throw a blanket over it, you're fine.

SAREENA:
Yeah, I quite like the idea of having my own robot suit, just hanging out, "I'm just popping to the shop, don't mind me!" [blast off sound effect] And I blast off to Tesco's.

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
You coulda just walked!

SAREENA:
Never! Or I could take the roller coaster. So many ways to get to the shops, it's amazing! None of which are driving!

MELISSA:
Yes, absolutely!

SAREENA:
It's like, if you have a gigantic robot, obviously one, storage will be an issue, and then two, what happens if the person I'm compatible with is you, and you're in Canada? And the robot's somewhere in between, in Greenland, and I'm over here in the UK?

MELISSA:
Okay, let's just say for convenience's sake, because that's ridiculous, come on - let's say we live in the same hemisphere, in the same city, we're neighbours or something.

SAREENA:
Okay.

MELISSA:
And it's nearby. That issue of distance should not be a problem in this scenario - this hypothetical -

SAREENA:
Scheduling's fine, everything's magic here.

[More laughter.]

SAREENA:
But if we have the gigantic robot, are we now in the military? What is the purpose of us having this robot, is this literally for us to have funsies in and everyone's like, "oh!"?

MELISSA:
I mean, in a perfect world, yes ... but also, if Godzilla feels like getting handsy - [crashing sound effect] - they would call us in so we would have to punch him.

SAREENA:
I wouldn't punch Godzilla, they'd have to call somebody else!

MELISSA:
I know. [laughs] But you know, it's one of those things where we have it in the hopes that we don't have to use it. But in the meantime, we get to have fun.

SAREENA:
Right, okay, fine. I think I still will take my smaller robot.

MELISSA:
Yeah?

SAREENA:
Not robot, but mechsuit, for my own joy. Because then I could just fly over to yours, be like "oh heeey!"

MELISSA:
True! Oh, that'd be so fun! And then you pull a sword out of nowhere - [schhhing sound effect] - and like, level a forest or something.

SAREENA:
Well. I want to try and reduce my impact on the world, at least environmentally.

MELISSA:
She says as she flies a giant 30-ton robot over the sea! Okay!

SAREENA:
I have solar panels on it, it'll be fine!

MELISSA:
That'd be cool, that'd be really cool, actually.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
But you don't get sun in London, who are you?

SAREENA:




---

MELISSA:
One of the things we have in common with our robotic companions is that we too are capable of incredible feats.

SAREENA:
We can be strong, intelligent and shiny! But also we can make people's lives easier. If it's safe to do so, lend someone a helping hand!

MELISSA:
Maybe volunteer with or donate to relief services?

SAREENA:
Or even just boost awareness by sharing informative posts with links in them!

MELISSA:
There's a lot of difficult stuff going on right now, but as the great Mr. Rogers' mother told him, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping."

SAREENA:
And you could be helping someone a lot more than you think.

[Outro music playing.]

MELISSA:
My dear chips! If you'd like to support us even more than you have already, just listening this far, there's a nice, crisp, compact link in our episode description just waiting for you to click on it. There's merch, updates, and more! And as always, our email is curriedchipsandpoutine@gmail.com.

Thank you so much for listening! We love you and appreciate you very much. Stay delicious!

BOTH:
See you next time! Byyyeeeeee!